we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
