I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
