U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
