and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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