I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
