ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
