You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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