We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Quick, to the slutcave!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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