I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
