She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
