can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
