U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
