I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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