He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
