i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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