the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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