there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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