she smelled like a LAN party
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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