Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am spending my child support on dildos
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
