my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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