Cold hands, warm shart.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
