you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
