I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
