were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
