i wish my penis had a tongue
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
