If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
