I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
