I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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