This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
