Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
