Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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