Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
