Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
