when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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