I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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