He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
