yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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