yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
