my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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