Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
