so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
