You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
