Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
