I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
