new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
