I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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