New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
