Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize