i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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