Your tits are I can't wait for
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
