is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
