I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
