And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
