If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
