How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
