yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
