I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
