It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
