Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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