I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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