I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize