I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
