Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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