I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
