Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I want to walk on stilts...naked
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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