she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
