Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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