so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize