My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
