Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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