The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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