somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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