I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
