god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
